What I love (and hate) about football (soccer)

First of all. I wish we Americans called soccer, football. And I wish we called american football, knockmandownball.

Anyway, this World Cup has really done a great job at highlighting what it is that I have always hated about soccer. So I’m going to start with the bad news and end with the good.

Hate

#1 Flopping – I can’t stand it when a guy who was barely touched or not even touched takes a dive in order to get a call for a free kick. Floppers need to be red carded.

#2 Shoot-outs – This is one of the stupidest ways to decide a hard-fought 90 minute match. Taking an 11-on-11 team game and turning it into a 1-on-1 shooter vs. goalie game is lame. They need to just play a sudden death overtime until someone scores.

#3 No instant replay – This World Cup has proven the absolute need for instant replay. The NBA uses it, and they score a hundred points in that game. In soccer, TWO goals is probably the average number of goals scored in any given game. You could at the very least replay the questionable goal that was offside or the questionable goal that may or may not have totally crossed the goal line. Or the red card you were about to give the guy who was standing next to the dude who flopped – who actually punched himself in the nose so it would bleed and rolled around on the ground for 5 minutes fake crying. Maybe make a 5-replays max for each team so you don’t totally eliminated the need for refs, but come on… Use technology to be just. Award what should be awarded and punish what should be punished based on reality, not just what the ref thought he saw.

#4 Unsportsmanlike Conduct. Stuff like an intentional hand ball to prevent a goal should be an automatic red card and the goal awarded to the opposing team. A ball that was going in the goal should count as a goal – not a penalty kick chance for a goal. Treat it this way and punish the offender so it doesn’t ever happen again. Blow a Vuvuzela in his ear for 90 minutes straight… Which leads to my next complaint.

#5 The Cheering. All Vuvuzelas should be burned. And no cheerleading allowed. Just the pure voice of fans should be allowed. Now, on to what I love about soccer.

#6 After-Goal Strip-Tease.  Enough said. Now, on to what I love about soccer.

Love

#1 Running outside as fast as you can on a wide open field of grass in the fall. I smile just thinking about it.

#2 Kicking a ball as hard as you can and watching it fly. Whether you are passing the ball to a teammate or blasting it into the back of the net, there is not another feeling quite like the kicking of a soccer ball.

#3 Simplicity. There is a reason that soccer is the most popular sport in the world. Most Americans don’t understand it because we are rich. Most of us grow up with a basketball hoop in our driveway or at least one down the street. Or we buy our $100 bike or $100 skateboard. We don’t know what it’s like to be so poor that we have to hand make our own ball to play with. In soccer all you need is a ball and two spots marking a goal. Every kid grows up playing this sport…because it’s the one they can. And it’s fun.

#4 Teamwork – Soccer is a team sport – a large team sport. Eleven players all working together for a common goal. You can’t underestimate the value of the lessons you learn from playing a team sport like soccer. And if you wonder why the teams go so crazy when they score a goal, well then you’ve probably never played the game. Most games are decided by one goal. Most games end 1-0. And that 1 can take a lot of teamwork.

All that being said…

I love soccer. The good definitely overwhelms the bad. Many of my most cherished memories go back to running on a wide open field of grass, kicking a ball around with my best buddies. Man… I need to lace up my football cleats again.