Grieving

The past month was a blur, but sooner or later reality begins to sink in. And when you aren’t ready for it, it hits you the hardest.

I thought I was ready for it. When it comes to losing someone you love…

I don’t think you can ever be ready for it.

I think a lot about death. I don’t like death, but I know that death is real. I know I could die at any moment. And I knew that Dad was going to die of cancer. We all had 3 years to prepare…

But you can’t know what it is going to feel like until it actually happens.

While I was in Michigan, I experienced a peace beyond all comprehension. I could almost feel God surrounding me with grace and peace through that time.

But this last week, I cried a lot. Sad thoughts constantly entered my mind. Every song I heard was reminded me of the pain of death.

In case you’re wondering, I really do believe that Dad is doing just great right now. I believe that he is in heaven with Jesus Christ. I’m not grieving about any of that. But there are many reasons to be sad.

This is why I grieve…

I grieve because my Mom is a widow, and I can’t be there to comfort her or take care of her.

I grieve because my oldest son’s birthday is this week, and he won’t ever get to hear Grandpa sing to him again.

I grieve because I don’t know if I’ll ever hear my Mom laugh that way again.

I grieve because I was just getting to know my Dad, and now he’s gone.

That stuff hurts.

Savior Jesus, we need you. Our debt is too much to bear.